For God's Sake, What's Wrong With Me?

Have you ever asked yourself that question before? I know I sure have many times. Like the time as a teenager when I got on the back of a Ninja motorcycle with a friend who liked to hit speeds of 130 mph. Or the time when I climbed 60 feet up Chimney Rock at Lake Martin just to jump off. There are numerous times that I have asked myself this question and wondered if there really was something wrong with me. I think we all do this at times. Even so, I find that I have asked that same question after doing something stupid, selfish, or just flat out sinful. The fact of the matter is that we all do this.

Having been a Christian for almost 30 years, I can still slip up and do a big piece of stupid. You know how it is when you do something dumb and you have to ask yourself that question; "What's wrong with me?". There have been times too in my faith walk that not only did I sin, but sinned big time and even enjoyed it for a season! (How many know that sin is fun and enjoyable for a while, but that does not make it right!) I remember early on in my faith that when I would lose my temper, throw a fit, and just do a big ole piece of stupid, I would ask myself, "What's wrong with me?. I mean I must not be a Christian for surely a Christian would not do that." I would feel bad about it and still wonder about my salvation. I must not be saved if I can get that mad and act that way, right? Then I would go to church and hear a message most likely confusing me even more. I would hear the preacher say something like; "Well, if you are a Christian you might sin, but if you stay in that sin then you just 'ain't' saved!" O boy! Here I'd go again feeling even more insecure and more confused about whether or not I was saved or not. I'd lie in bed at night thinking that I must not be saved and I would pray to God asking Him, begging Him to save me and to make me a Christian. After a long night of doing that I would wake up feeling much better and thinking 'I am NOW saved!' Phew! Much better. Then a few days, a week, or even a month might pass and it would happen again. I'd do a big ole piece of stupid AGAIN! I'd sin against God and against someone else and there I was asking that question all over again; "What's wrong with me?" Talk about frustration! I see this all the time and it is so unfortunate that it happens. I eventually got tired of this and simply went to God's Word for help. (Now there's an idea!)

My first stopping place I went to was the verse I had memorized when I had first trusted Christ. John 3:16! "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." In basic terms, If I would only believe in Jesus, I would be saved. I remember praying after reading this. I said something like; "OK Lord, I believe this and by faith accept it as being true. Now Lord help me understand why that I, a born again, Jesus loving, Christian just keep messing up and sinning and at times sinning big?" He then led me to Romans 7. I found that the Apostle evidently had similar struggles! Booya! He did things he didn't want to do and didn't do things he knew he needed to do. Basically Paul said that even though he was a follower of Jesus, he still messed up and still did pieces of stupid. Talk about relief and comfort for me! We see this truth throughout Scripture. God's people have a tendency to 'still sin' and sin in big ways at times. Remember David? Samson? Peter? This doesn't mean we are not saved, it surely means though that Christians still have the propensity to sin and will sin and at times they will sin for extended periods of time. I am reminded of Jonah and also of Lot, whom God called righteous but lived in sin till they died. In 1 John 5:16 John makes reference to the 'sin unto death' affirming that a believer can actually live in sin till he dies and STILL be saved.

So, what am I saying? First of all I am NOT saying that sin is OK. Sin is WRONG and is never acceptable, but it is something we must deal with daily till we die. What's wrong with us then? The truth is; we are sinners saved by grace living in a fallen world with many enticements and temptations that the enemy uses to discourage, deter, and defeat us. There will be times of victory over them while there will also be times when we simply succumb and fall into sin. Even so, take courage! When you totally blow it, as I have done many times, get up, ask God for forgiveness, and press on! 1 John 1:9; We confess, He forgives! Now that's good stuff!

Now let's move forward in Jesus name!